File: vari/jokes.txt
I had an unemployed stonehammer doing a bit of casual work for me. He asked to be paid "under the table"...
A kran goes to the tavern and the bartender says:
- Hey there! Do you want a beer? -
- No thanks! I'm already "stoned"...
What looks like half a klyros? The other half!
Why do stonehammers always laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their chins!
Two nolthrir couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing love, one nolthrir says: -I wonder how the girls are getting on...-
An old fenki goes every month to collect a pension and, being illiterate, she sign with a cross. One day the treasurer sees that, instead of signing with the usual cross, she drew a square and amazed he asks:
- Excuse me, ma'am, you always signed with a cross, why did you made a square today? -
- Oh, I didn't told you!. I remarried, that's why I changed my last name! -
A brawny lumberjack is talking to a foreman to get employed:
- Where've you worked so far? -
- Near Ojaveda! -
- But... it's a desert! -
- Now it is! -
A beggar stops a noble in the street, asking for help.
- Please, help, I'm starving... -
- Ah...so you are starving...well...go to work! -
- I've tried my lord, but then I was starving even more... -
The professor teaching to the childrens:
- I cry, you cry, he/she/it cries, we cry, you cry, they... -
- ...swim! -
An aged farmer and his wife recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
- Let's have a party, Holmer - she suggested - Let's kill a kikiri! -
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. - Gee, Ethesra - he finally answered - I don't see why the kikiri should take the blame for something that happened fifty cycles ago. -
Why don't the sailors play cards?
Because the captain is sitting on the deck.
- Dad, what is an idiot? -
- An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person can't understand him. Do you understand me? -
- No! -
In the classroom:
-Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"...-
-I is the...-
-Stop! Never put "is" after an "I"... use "am" instead! -
-Fine... I am the ninth letter. -
At the examinations:
- Joran, what is the past participle of the verb to ring? -
- What do you think it is, Sir? -
- I don't think, I know! -
- I don't think I know either, Sir! -
Why do the Ulbernauts don't eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
A knight with bruises all over his body goes to see his lord.
- Brave knight, what happened to you? -
- My lord, I come from fighting your enemies on the Second Level! -
- But I have no enemies there… -
- Well, I guess now you do! -
Which is the difference between a Pillow and a Campfire?
Try to sit on the campfire....
A devotee of Talad is praying at his temple, and asks:
- Talad, dear lord, how much is one million of trias for you? -
- That's nothing but a single octa. -
- And what about one thousand cycles?-
- That's just a minute for me. -
The man thinks for a bit, then asks:
- Dear Talad, could you give me one octa? -
- Sure, just wait a minute! -
A stonehammer sends his son to borrow an hammer from another stonehammer.
- Can you borrow me the hammer please? -
- No! you will wear it out! -
The boy comes back to father:
- He said no... -
- Mmm... well... so we'll need to use ours! -
The garrison commander approaches a prostitute:
- For 30 circles, would you accept my company? -
- 30? Of course - replied the woman.
- Company... forward march!"
Where do the first copper wire came from? Two stonehammers picked up the same copper ore.
A bard who specializes in ventriloquism is performing in the Stonehead Tavern, doing several jokes about how dumb krans are. A very large, mean-looking kran in the back of the room stands up and growls:
- I'm sick of everyone making fun of krans and saying we're stupid. -
The bard begins to apologize but the kran says:
- Sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the little smart-ass sitting in your lap! -
Why do stonehammer bards sound better by candlelight?
You can always shove the wax into your ears...
Two adventurers are exploring the Laanx Dungeon when suddenly one of the two falls from a cliff.
- Are you hurt? - shouts the other
- Nooooooo! -
- How can that be? -
- I have not hit bottom yeeeet! -
A diaboli leaves Kada El's with a mug of red liquor in his hands. A friend sees him and yells:
- Always getting drunk! When are you going to think about your future? -
The diaboli thinks for a bit, then enters the tavern again:
- Allelia, give me another mug! -
Did you hear about the evil wizard who liked to give people hickies?
He was a neck romancer.
Two kraans in a field and one says:
- Look at that dead crow! -
The other kraan looks at the sky and says:
- Where? -
Why do stonehammers have such big nostrils?
Look at the size of their fingers!
A diaboli, a dermorian, and a one-eyed rat walk into Kada-El's Tavern.
The rat looks to the other two and says:
- oops, I"m in the wrong joke. -
A klyros, a stonehammer and a kran are lost in the Stone Labyrinth. After many days they find a a magical ring which can grant a single wish to each of them.
The klyros wishes to go back to Amdeneir and suddenly he disappears.
The stonehammer wishes to be back to his forge and suddenly he disappears.
Finally the kran picks up the ring and says:
- I'm lonely now. I wish the other two guys were back here! -
A half-stonehammer half-gobble boy talking to his father:
- Daddy, am I more stonehammer or more gobble? -
- Why do you want to know, son? -
- Because a friend of mine is selling his mace for 100 tria and I want to know if I should talk him down to 1 hexa or just kill him and take it... -
An undead shambles into a tavern for dark way followers. The bartender says:
- First time I've seen a real undead in here. Did you know there's a drink named after you? -
- Really? A drink named John? -
A guard goes to a man with a portrait in his hands:
- Is this your wife? -
- Yes... -
- I am the bearer of bad news... it looks like she's been hit by a carriage... -
- I know, but she can cook and she's good with the kids. -
A planeshift guild
